Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Salty's Fish and Chips | 8-3960 Shelbourne Street | 250.590.6162

There is a time in every addict's life when he/she is deafened by the thud of his/her health and dignity hitting the bottom of the barrel. I came all to close to crashing through the bottom of the pit a couple weeks ago at Salty's.

What compels a man to have three pieces of fish and chips for breakfast, when he knows a breaded breaky cannot provide the comfort he seeks? I was walking a tightrope at Salty's—trying to consume just enough grease and oil to feel triumphant, but I went too far. Gourging on fish and chips can place you in a fog of regret at the best of times, but going into it ten minutes after getting out of bed completely gassed me.

The light breading of the cod tricked me into thinking I was going to have an easy ride: not so. About halfway through my third piece I was labouring. Other food addicts know the feeling—eating is no longer about pleasure, it's about persevering towards a respectable performance.

There are a lot of fish and chips options in town, and Salty's may not be the best, but you could do a lot worse (I'm told Pluto's is a significantly more blech AYCE experience). However, the fish at Salty's tasted like it was probably frozen at some point in its journey to my plate, and this didn't make eating all-you-can-eat style any easier.

This would have been fine as a lunchtime meal, but after three pieces and half a plate of Mcain's style fries; I was seriously considering an Alaimo style swearing off of any further attempts to try and eat my way to piece of mind. Another helping of chips (yes it's not just the fish that is AYCE) and I could have ended up doing something drastic... like chasing a dream, or getting involved in sports, or whatever else people ditching vices do.

However, it was obvious that my post-Salty's hangover had not been the I've-lost-my-septum-because-I'm-blowing-my-mind-on-yak-every-night-and-yesterday-it-got-too-much-so-I-tried-to-hang-myself-in-my-parents-garage-but-I'm-fat-and-the-moosehead-I-was-using-as-a-brace-got-ripped-out-of-the-wall-and-now-I-am-rethinking-my-teenage-wild-girl-lifestyle type of realization that others have had. Days later I was in a car on my way Pizza Hut Buffet in Duncan—and it was glorious.

Food is still the best vice of all, and I'm not giving it up. If Salty's helped me realise this, perhaps it's worth a trip for you too.

Price: $12
All-You-Can-Eat is only available Tuesdays

Rating: 3.3